Dr Clodagh Campbell’s new book, The Steps, offers practical techniques, real-world examples and scientifically-proven strategies to help you cope with the challenges of modern life …
“For my entire life, I felt ‘shaky’ in myself. It’s a funny word to use, but it fits so completely. I felt shaky in my relationships, in my abilities – what I had to offer the world or in how I could contribute – in my sense of self-worth. This shakiness followed me around like a dark cloud, and the worst thing was that I could so clearly see the worth of everyone around me. It was almost like a special power; I’d spend five minutes with someone and I could see how they shone. This never made me bitter, rather the opposite, but I always felt that dark cloud above me. In one way, it was beautiful as I saw their very best selves, but beside them I felt like a dull shell of a person.
I feel so sad for the little girl I carry inside who never felt ‘enough’. How I wish I could have celebrated her from the start, but that didn’t come for many years. In fact, it was only becoming a mother, holding my newborn baby in my arms, seeing how special she was, that I could see that I was too. There was nothing she needed to do, or to be, or to prove. She was born worthy and entirely enough.
Did you feel it? Did you view yourself in that way? Or did you feel shaky in yourself too?
In my early years as a psychologist, I worked with a woman who was everything I wanted to be. Intelligent. Caring. Self-assured. When she spoke, people listened. A wonderful psychologist. I never envied her and I learned so much from her, but in comparison I felt like a shadow beside her light. There was nothing that happened that led me to feel that way, we were never in competition or publicly compared, but it was my deeply ingrained sense of never being enough that led me to feel I paled beside her in comparison.
I will never forget the first time I saw her after becoming a mother. As I hugged her, I still saw her in all her splendour, but in that moment I had this life-changing realisation … so was I. She contributed so much to the world, but so did I. It was never that there was only space for one of us.
That feeling intensified when I gave birth to my second child. It was never that there was only space for one of them to shine. What a gift that knowledge was, which I hope I can pass on to you.
You were born worthy. You have always been enough, exactly as you are.
Soak it in.
You were born worthy. You have always been worthy. You will always be worthy.
You were born enough. You have always been enough. You will always be enough.
In fact, so much more than enough.
AFFIRMATIONS
Affirmations are statements or phrases that, when repeated over time, create new thought patterns and bring about intentional, positive change. When we build new neural pathways, we activate our brain’s reward system, which leads us to seek out the practice more. I love using affirmations to help me remember my worth, and the longer I have been using them, the more my belief in them has grown. This is a process I really trust, and one that science backs. To help you incorporate self-worth affirmations into your life, here are some more of my favourites:
• I am worthy of love and respect.
• I am deserving of all the good things life has to offer.
• I am comfortable being my authentic self with others.
• I am proud of my accomplishments, big and small, and all I have learned along the way.
• I release the need for validation from others.
• I am worthy of forgiveness, including forgiveness from myself.
• I am worthy of giving and receiving love freely.
• I am worthy of respect, consideration, love and kindness.
• I deserve to take up space and express myself.
• I trust my intuition and make choices that align with my true self.
• I am valuable and irreplaceable.
HEALING EXERCISE
Try this healing exercise with an open mind to feel this wonderful healing power for yourself.
Take a deep breath and, slowly and clearly, recite aloud your affirmations. Allow yourself to really absorb the positive energy of the words. Repeat each affirmation three times.
Carry out this exercise every day for 21 days, using five of the suggested affirmations above or choosing your own. To help you successfully incorporate this new habit into your life, I encourage you to spend a moment considering what time of day would be best and to include it in your routine. For example, first thing in the morning as you get out of bed, while preparing meals, or as you get into bed at night.
Once you have become comfortable with it, I recommend you deepen it further by beginning to recite your affirmations in front of the mirror. Stand tall and speak each affirmation with intention. If this feels exposing or difficult at first, fake it until you make it because you will make it, and soon you will be speaking these words confidently, with absolute certainty.
Good luck over the next three weeks. I am so excited for you to experience the power that affirmations bring, especially in strengthening your self-worth.”
Photograph by Emma Matthews
The Steps By Dr Clodagh Campbell, published by Gill Books
Since gaining her doctorate from Trinity College Dublin, Dr Campbell has become one of Ireland’s leading psychologists, podcasters and wellness experts. In this transformative ten-step guide, Dr Campbell offers you the tools to begin addressing past experiences from holding you back.
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