You know, this home-schooling is exhausting. Just when I have Jack (Sharon’s son) trained to properly arrange my food as I like it, Mum (aka Sharon) goes off and hogs my sunny spot on the sofa. How many times have I tried to teach her the proper etiquette? You can’t suddenly decide to invade your dog’s private space just because WFH is all the rage.

Perched there with the laptop, talking to dozens of people at the same time, answering emails, applying face cream, doodling reminders and smiley emojis on a notepad, blasting Batiste at her hair, checking her phone and drinking coffee. You would think the incidents with the smartphone in the coffee and the face cream in her hair would be a lesson! Multi-tasking, huh, now you know why we dogs don’t bother.  

And if I see one more ‘funny’ cat meme, I shall howl! The Donald Trump and Boris Johnson ones were bad enough.  But cats playing peekaboo with canaries is so last year! You know Donald Trump was the first President in a century with no dog? Speaks volumes, doesn’t it; we dogs are very choosy about who we keep company with.

And you have to feel it for that poor Number 10 Downing Street dog – a scruffy article with unkempt hair (Dilyn, not Boris). A rescue dog, they say, and a ‘cross’ – I’d say the poor thing was cross when he saw that pair coming for him. Probably would have preferred to stay un-rescued! They even put cheap tinsel around his neck to take the bad look off their official Christmas card. Oh, the indignity! I thought about starting up a petition.

But then, Sharon also developed this annoying habit of shopping online for designer dog coats last autumn. Lockdown boredom I think it’s called. I am a perfectly handsome young cockapoo, a male in the prime of youth, who does not need prettification. Sometimes I reckon Sharon sees me as a bit of a designer accessory. I know she relishes the attention I get on our frequent walks in the park, and she has hijacked my personal Instagram too, just because I make her look good.

Although, professing her undying love for me, and regularly reaffirming that I am the best dog ever, does help. So, I suppose we are getting somewhere with the home schooling!

How are dogs and their owners faring in lockdown? We invited owners to share, and want you to share too … tag @theglossmag in your pictures and videos on Instagram and use the hashtag #GlossyDogs.