It is possible (should the remaining Covid-19 restrictions lift on October 22) that before the month is out, you will be invited to a social engagement. Not a Zoom event or a brisk walk or a coffee on a park bench – but an actual real-life soiree, to which you might choose to wear clothes with seams (remember those?) and shoes with heels (they’re still making them, I hear). And, when you embark on a bona fide social adventure, there will be a moment when you will be expected to make conversation. With a stranger.

Whether or not you find that prospect daunting probably depends on your personality type – but even those who are usually comfortable with small talk might find themselves a little out of practice. In the UK – which, because it is a couple of months ahead of us in the easing of restrictions, has become the canary in the coal mine – rusty social skills have become a concern. As the country began to open up over the summer, jokes and memes about how ill-prepared people are for the return of small talk abounded on British social media. A one minute-long video in which an actor reenacted “the office chats you’re missing while you’re waiting for the microwave” was watched 700,000 times.

After a year and a half of separation, making conversation about last night’s TV or a colleague’s baby shower is slowly becoming a reality again. That’s before you think about speaking to a stranger at a party or networking event. As useful as Zoom is, it hasn’t been able to facilitate a virtual version of that particular type of chat. 

Over the past year and a half, we have relied on close friends and family for interaction, missing out on what strangers and acquaintances can grant us: the thrill that occurs when you feel that “click” of a blossoming friendship; the pleasure of getting a fresh perspective or even just basic information, says Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex. “It’s hard to learn things from the people we are closest to because we already know everything they know. We know their opinions, the TV shows they watch. We learn more from people we are not close to.”

Natasha Fennell, who is a communication expert and leadership coach at the Dublin-based Stillwater Communications, makes the point that many people have lost the will to chat at all, even to close friends. “The reluctance to ring anyone these last few months has been very real,” she says, “because we have had no news.”

So if and when we finally return to proper socialising, will we have anything interesting to say?

Sandstrom thinks that “it might take some time before people have banked some new experiences and have something to talk about”: “A lot of the things we used to talk about – holidays or a new restaurant opening – we haven’t had.”

For introverts, who generally prefer to spend time in smaller groups, there have been aspects of lockdown that have actually been favourable. Most people have desperately missed seeing beloved family but there have been benefits to the restrictions like cutting down on social interactions and working from home. Will the return of events like nightclubs, big weddings and conferences be cruelly discomfiting after this period of extended quiet?

Sandstrom, who, through her research into minimal social interactions is quite literally an expert in talking to strangers, has some suggestions for coping. “As an introvert, I hate situations where there is a huge room of people and lots of noise,” she says. “So the way that I cope is by picking one person – I’ll look for someone who doesn’t seem to have anyone to talk to and talk to them. And by focusing on one person and a more meaningful conversation, I can shut out all the chaos around me.”

It is possible that it will be easier to have more meaningful conversations, even with strangers and acquaintances. We have all simultaneously experienced something gruelling and extraordinary. It has affected us all differently, and some will have had a more difficult time than others, but each one of us has been challenged over the past eighteen months. And each one of us has been changed a little, too.

“Because we have been through this crazy thing together, it has normalised us admitting when we are not doing well,” says Sandstrom. “I have seen that a lot on social media. So that might make it easier to talk about the hard stuff because everyone has been dealing with hard stuff.”

We could be about to enter a period in which small talk becomes more honest and more worthwhile. “When we can finally see people, we can say ‘How have you really, actually been?’,” says Fennell. She doesn’t like to use the phrase “small talk” with its connotations of awkward and inane weather chat, preferring the word “connection”. We shouldn’t worry too much about feeling tired or burnt-out by increased social interactions, she says, because they will generate their own energy. “We will have the energy of another person, and be able to feed off that, which we are not getting on Zoom.” Sandstrom points out that the research suggests that talking to people, be that a stranger or acquaintance or someone that we are close to, generally enhances our mood.

A friend in London had been feeling a little anxious about the return of socialising. After months of staying in each evening, she suddenly had a diary full of engagements and worried she would end the week exhausted. However, when I checked in with her after her whirl of activity, she said that rather than feeling tired, she actually felt exhilarated.

“Exhilarated” is a word I haven’t had much use for over the past year and a half but it’s nice to think that soon enough, it will be back in my vocabulary.