Brainy or beautiful? Susan Zelouf knows which she’d rather be …
To brighten up the dreary days of January, consider planning an off-season party, a reason to get dressed up or out of bed on a bleak weekend morning. In addition to serving up deliciousness and fizz (or leftovers and sparkling water), we sense the need to get to know each other again, so why not include a party game? Nothing too physical; Hide and Seek falls flat when there’s nowhere within a 2km radius we don’t know like the backs of our hands, and Twister might skew requisite masks. Opt instead for a classic after-dinner session of conundra. Compile a list of “Would you rather” questions and if, after the last two years, you still have friends and family with whom you are not politically and covidically opposed, pick up one of a slew of inclusive game books posing dilemmas designed to elicit ohhh’s, oooh’s and ewww’s, the more cerebral/silly/provocative, the better (age-appropriate, obvs). Better yet, print out Parade Magazine’s 250 Best “Would You Rather” Questions To Learn More About Friends Than You Ever Expected for inspiration, then customise and add your own.
A Sophie’s Choice I pose to myself, in my best Ryan Gosling voice, during dark nights of the (post-party) soul: “Hey girl, would you rather be brainy or beautiful?” I’d like to believe I can be both due in part to my adherence to the Dolly Parton School of Life, in which the only exam question is “What would Dolly do?” A smart cookie with 91 albums, nine Grammys, a record-breaking 25 Billboard #1 hits, Kennedy Center Honors and a National Medal of Arts in her cookie jar, Parton and her impossibly blonde bewigged head (“The higher the hair, the closer to God!”) balanced vertiginously atop a comic strip hourglass figure, practically invented herself, from a dirt-poor Appalachian childhood to tit-an of the entertainment industry. When Dolly Parton leans in, her augmented Virginia twins (more grey matter than silicone) arrive at the board table a minute or so before she does, but all eyes are glued to the brains behind the operation; “She’s no dummy,” as my late mother would’ve said.
Still, in a recent, unscientific survey of Insta-friends, brains carried the day over the lure of elusive, subjective, fleeting beauty. One, a creative genius who knows how to drop a gown and wouldn’t bat a RapidLash® at surgical enhancement if she could afford it, doesn’t see it as either/or, because, she asserts “Brainy is beautiful”, while another, a self-confessed tech-nerd with worldly wins at her back, finds the mind the consummate erogenous zone. She aligns with sapiosexuals, those among us aroused by probing intelligence and big brains: “Intelligent people get more and more beautiful over time. Physical beauty is only desirable in inanimate objects.”
The late comedienne Joan Rivers contended “I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.” Like Dolly (“I’m not dumb, and I’m not blonde”) Parton, Rivers “made it” against all odds. Brainy or beautiful? A marriage of both; that, and a facelift, Joan Rivers might’ve said. Intellectual curiosity makes us smarter, opening our minds to possibility, opening our hearts to the world. This month, cultivate a beautiful mind. Thinking caps on; make mine a Philip Treacy. @susanzelouf
I’M OGLING Avedon’s 1957 portrait of brainy beauties Monroe and Miller.
I’M READING the fine print in Amsterdam-designed eyewear from Ace & Tate, hip and affordable and handmade in Italy. Exchequer Street, Dublin 2.
I’M GLOVING Prada’s long leather gloves with zippered pouch in juicy orange nappa. www.prada.com.
I’M TWEEDING not tweeting, with a handmade Donegal tweed notebook from www.orwellandbrowne.com.
I’M PERFECTING my backhand in a limited edition Ace Bag, a collab between Scottish luxury brand Strathberry x Naomi Osaka, athlete/activist. www.naomiosaka.com.
I’M SURVEYING the world through the eyes of visionary Miami-based choreographer Brigid Baker. Follow her work @BrigidBaker_WholeProject.
I’M DESIGNING old school, using pencil and paper. Matita Acuta by www.vittoriomartini.it.
I’M SHELVING my devices and jigsawing a New Yorker cover puzzle by cartoonist Roz Chast, from a selection at www.newyorkpuzzlecompany.com.
I’M WONDERING how’d you get so smart, drinking tea all day? Blame it on that Cat in Hat Marvellous Mug in fine bone china, inked by www.rorydobner.com.
I’M ASKING what would Dolly do?
I’M BROWSING my local library in Church’s chunky-heeled tassel loafers.
LOVETHEGLOSS.IE?
Sign up to our MAILING LIST now for a roundup of the latest fashion, beauty, interiors and entertaining news from THE GLOSS MAGAZINE’s daily dispatches.