It’s been a long year in lockdown. Our relationship to the world around us has changed dramatically from how we socialise, how we work, how we parent to how we spend what free time we have.

All of these changes have come about because the world around us, the world we moved so freely through until twelve months ago, has become unsafe. An invisible threat has pervaded our mental and physical space. We don’t know who is dangerous, where the danger is or whether we ourselves may unwittingly hurt someone. We can’t SEE the enemy. We don’t know when our “normal” life will return nor what normal will look like. In short, we are all swimming in a soup of anxiety. We are bombarded by figures and stats of all kinds, every day. It feels like a disaster movie but we don’t know if this is just the preamble or the disaster itself. All of these uncertainties have raised our internal threat levels; our adrenaline levels are already heightened and our window of tolerance for any extra or new stress is pretty narrow.

So what do we, as human beings, do when faced with unknown threats? When a child doesn’t feel safe in the world, it doesn’t explore, it doesn’t play, it doesn’t seek out others or engage easily with others. It stays close to home. It clings to safety. As adults we don’t cling to our parent’s legs but we do build ourselves a foxhole to hide in hoping to keep safe. For many of us this has become our home and our own company and so we have turned inward or become more introverted. We don’t have to face “out there” for the time being.

In our retreat, many of us have become aware of how stressful we had been finding being out in the world. The pressure of trying to keep up with the latest fashion, news, trends, exercise, diet, places to visit… We were constantly comparing ourselves to the exciting, carefully curated lives of others in our extended circle on social media. We know on a cognitive level that what we are seeing is not a real representation but emotionally, we still get the message from our inner critic that we’re not good enough, not interesting enough, not adventurous enough, not cool enough, not attractive enough.

Pre-pandemic days we may have felt a pressure to strive to emulate our Instagram goals or idols. We’d post and measure our self worth in likes. Lockdown, however, has given us permission to let ourselves off the hook. The need to impress or to be the version of ourselves that we think is expected of us or acceptable to others is no longer as pressing. We are embracing the feeling of not wondering what others are thinking of what we say, or do, or look like. What a relief to be in our own heads rather than in others! What a relief to wear what feels comfortable, dress for ourselves, not others, and forgive ourselves the extra pound or two we think we are carrying. What a relief to stay in and watch Netflix rather than feel our weekend has been a failure because we haven’t “done” anything. Zoom drinks with friends just don’t cut it so we have stopped trying. People we didn’t know very well have dropped off our radar because, without experiences to relate, we have little in common. We avoid conversations about the pandemic because we don’t need our anxiety levels raised any higher.

And so many of us have embraced our inner introvert. We have found we enjoy our own company, we keep in contact with those people we feel comfortable and safe with. We have found a relief from our social anxiety and pressure to keep up. Shutting out the world has become our life boat in this sea of anxiety.

However, as human beings we are wired to connect and explore. So, while this retreat from the world has given us space to reset, it would be unhealthy if it were to be a complete retreat. When this crisis subsides, and it will, we need to be able to re-engage with others “out there”.

As we anticipate moving out of lockdown, there are plenty of good things we can take away from our experience and plenty of things we can do to help ourselves enter back into the world.

Recognise that introversion and extroversion are not mutually exclusive characteristics. We can move between the two ends of the spectrum. They are neutral values – they are only desirable/not desirable if we believe them to be.

Know what friendships to value. Who have we felt safe with? In whose company have we felt comfortable? Who accepts me just as I am? Who nourishes me? Maybe it’s time to let go of some relationships that don’t nourish us. If the thought of meeting up with friends is overwhelming, rather than avoiding it altogether, allow ourselves an exit strategy. Tell ourselves to set a time limit on how long we will stay and give ourselves permission to leave at the end of that time. If we find we’re enjoying ourselves we can always stay but we have spared ourselves the anticipatory anxiety.

Know your comfort zone and challenge yourself to push it … but not too much that you feel overwhelmed. So maybe instead of saying no to lunch, say yes to coffee. Staying within your comfort zone feels safe – but the problem is that it tends to shrink over time, trapping us in an ever decreasing list of things we feel ok doing.

Be honest with yourself: ask am I saying no to an engagement because I’m feeling anxious or am I saying no because right now I need to nourish myself in a different way? If it’s the former then maybe we are trapping ourselves in our comfort zone, see if we can challenge that a little.

Manage social media. I can’t stress this one enough. It is addictive and over stimulating and tends to feed our inner critic. Limit use to half an hour a day or better still delete the app and allow ourselves to download it once a week. This act alone would reduce our anxiety levels tremendously.

Turn off all push medications for news apps and social media apps. Whatever has happened it can wait: our phone lighting up with “breaking news” every time someone sneezes spikes our adrenaline levels. The last year has led us to believe the world is a scary place and we are safer in our foxholes. This is not true. We need to start trusting that the world is a largely safe place.

Be your own best friend. Our inner critic developed for a reason but unchecked it becomes a bully. Tell yourself you are enough as you are.

Create a healthier balance in your life. We are not a failure if we don’t have the most action-packed, socially-packed time. Value our time with ourselves. We don’t need a pandemic to say “tonight I just want to stay in and have a date with myself”. It’s good to enjoy our own company. It’s ok to enjoy a slower pace of life.

Stay present. Recognise that although it seems the world might have stopped for a while, life continues so live it. It’s the only one we have. Keep the pace of life slower than pre-pandemic days. Enjoy the sound of the birds and walks out with friends. Enjoy meeting neighbours. Recognise that you’re not alone. After all, it’s been a tough year for us all.