STAR CHILD: March 21-April 19

Symbol: The Ram. Element: Fire. Colour: Red. Scent: Honeysuckle and Peppermint. Soulmate: Libra. Compatible Signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, and Gemini. Attributes: Aspiring, Determined, Driven, Enterprising, and Direct.

Aries in a glimpse …

That girl at the office who got the promotion you were expecting? Yeah, that one. Well, she’s an Aries. The one who caught your first love’s eye, and brainwashed him into forgetting all about you? Yep. Her too. See, Aries are winners. Not because they’re superior to the rest of us, but because they want it more. And they get what they want. In fact, they go for it. We’re talking full throttle. If you could bottle that famous Aries ambition, it would outsell Guinness beer around the globe.

Romance for this sign is an Olympic sport. No measly Ram, Bam, Thank You M’am, Aries loves like her life depends on it. And there’s something to be said for that, but if you’re not at least one of the other fire signs like a Leo or Sagittarius, steel yourself for a spectacular divorce, remnants of which will resemble that woeful aftermath of an Indian massacre, from way back when, at Wounded Knee. The Aries partner is a bad enemy, and no matter how hard you try, take onboard that you are poised to disappoint, and just walk away. That is unless of course, you’re an Aries, too.

Aries Traits

Multitasker: If Aries has an Achilles’ heel, it’s that she can’t clone herself. Her path to hell is paved with too many good intentions, plus the odd casualty. A Ram can’t resist the tendency to spread herself too thin. Thus, from time to time, she takes on too much, and as such, our darling Aries is sideswept. A virtuoso forced to merge on the verge, the margins of a society populated with myriad unfortunately designed animals like belligerent badgers, angry armadillos, and other roadkill.

Gumption: Rams are born horny. As in, horning in on anything they’re inclined to, unapologetically, with gumption by the gallon. And an Aries bears in mind something Malcom X once said, “The end justifies the means”. Don’t bother arguing with logic like that. Eyes on the prize, this is the sole astrological sign that will engineer a hostile takeover of the short-sighted company foolish enough to fire her.

Wired: When it comes to the care and feeding of your favourite Ram, doctors recommend a rousing regime of competitive and contact sports. Need we, for our purposes here, stipulate that this is a must for sorting out that toddler-like Aries brand of agitation. Remember, the goal is to wear out your eager beaver, rather than risk a kind of combustive cabin fever. That fabled ants-in-their-pants which few mere mortals are clever enough to channel into an amorous round of Greco-Roman wrestling.

Aries Love & Sex

Driven: This is where the not-so reluctant-Ram lets it rip. Unzipping her proprietary personification of power sometimes involves releasing more charisma than one humble human can handle. Even by candlelight, Aries runs rings around any object of her affections. She’s a dangerous rearranger of things. Think musical chairs, but played on an upper deck of the Titanic. It’s undisputed that she’s astute. This cutest of trojan hoors is more likely to fly under the radar, by discreetly driving you to a five-star dinner undetected, in a dark car that purrs like a puma.

Bivalve Curious: Purely for the purpose of putting lead in her pencil, she’ll down dozens of oysters with a particular zest that can only be derived from draining goblets full of the best Chablis. See, Aries alone draws that fine line of hers, in those uncharted dunes which exist betwixt plain Jane satisfaction and well…shall we say, one stellar step beyond. If loving you is wrong, realise that a willful Ram reserves all rights. She’ll find a way. So, batten down the hatches for what frolic follows. A right rollick. As captain of your heart, this predator will tear you apart under the guise of a good old-fashioned roll in the hay. Always remember that when, with military precision, the Aries woman decides to make a surgical strike, she’s sure to ride you like a stolen bike.

Aries Beauty & Style

Colourful: No shrinking violet, a quick-thinking Ram’s cardinal rule is to wear red. That said, she’s one hundred percent peacock when it comes to plumage. Even when the lights go down, like a ruby in the darkness, an Aries will still sparkle.

Skullduggery: The head and face are associated to this sign, meaning migraines and all kinds of acne are issues for even the strongest Aries. So, show some sincere sympathy when she sighs, and says Not tonight, Sweetheart. I’ve a splitting headache.

A Handful: But when an Aries is in good form, and let’s face it, that’s almost all the time, she really puts herself together, presenting to her public a total package that can only be described as explosive. On the scale of a grenade. They say you’ve got to play to win, but being her partner comes with the confidence of knowing only you have the guts to pull that pin.

Celebrated Aries include Irish actresses Saoirse Ronan and Mara Rooney, not to mention fabulous American musicians like Aretha Franklin and the ever charming Chaka Khan.