This month embrace your ambition, your greying hair, your toughness … be unapologetically you encourages Susan Zelouf.
“Oh Susie, you’re too much!” My late mother, a smalltown gal constricted by the norms and expectations of being a woman in the mid-20th century, appeared to revel in my larger-than-life theatrical persona, living vicariously as I took risks, travelled the world and pursued lofty dreams. But she also nagged me for smiling too big, and encouraged me to consider getting my nose done, which, like hers, was a honker. And to lose a few pounds. Examining my lifelong struggle with body image and food, from bingeing to restricting and back again, I’m convinced that size is a reaction to how much space we feel entitled to take up in a world that demands women make themselves small. I wondered if, had I been born a boy, as my Iraqi father hoped, I might’ve owned my outsized ambition, kept secret even from myself, and nosed out ahead of the string.
Donkey or thoroughbred depends on our beauty filters; social media offers up seductive constructs of impossible beauty, erosive to fragile self-esteem. Many of us cave to the pressure to perfect what is inherently perfectly fine; it’s almost impossible not to be seduced by trending beauty standards, from sculpted arms and abs (55-year-old Nicole Kidman’s buff biceps in Perfectmagazine) to fluffy eyebrows (beg/borrow/tattoo/feather/laminate yours).
Instead, follow the musings of Instagram poet Becca Lee who channels the mother of all influencers, Nature: “The ocean does not apologize for its depth and the mountains do not seek forgiveness for the space they take and so, neither shall I.” There are no accidental icons in nature; a giraffe would never question its height, just as a pug wouldn’t make excuses for its resting pug face. What if an octopus is not spineless, just differently vertebrated? And if the Antarctic Blue Whale, gorging on four tons of krill a day to maintain the 400,000 pounds of blubber needed to encase a heart the size of a Mini Cooper, is not an out-of- control binge eater in need of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but a curvy queen, its girth, grace and low frequency whistle (reaching 188 decibels, louder than a jet engine) making it the Lizzo of the sea?
“COMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN COSY WITH WHO I AM I LOVE MYSELF GODDAMN” BEYONCÉ
Sloat’s article for inverse.com “Biologists Finally Solve Mystery of Why Elephants Have Wrinkled Skin” explains the evolutionary sense behind an African elephant’s cracks and fissures: “This beautiful fine pattern of millions of channels is adaptive because it prevents shedding of applied mud and allows for the spreading and retention of five to ten times more water than at the skin’s immediate surface, allowing the animal to efficiently control its body temperature with evaporative cooling.” Mother Nature, no shrinking violet, refuses to apologise for herself, nor should we.
Not enough has changed since Germaine Greer wrote The Female Eunuch in 1970. Her stinging words still ring true: “Women lives lives of continual apology.” It’s time to be done with apologising for who we are and how we look and get cozy with ourselves. Make consciously riskier choices in life and even in assembling capsule wardrobes (Crop top? My belly, my choice!) In October, be unapologetically you.
1. UNAPOLOGETICALLY 101 Shop centenarian plus one Iris Apfel’s collectible evening bag collab with www.judithleiber.com
2. UNAPOLOGETICALLY TOUGH Rose thorn ring in silver black rhodium from www.shaunleane.com
3. UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGEING Isabella Rossellini talks beauty with Charlie Rose on www.charlierose.com
4. UNAPOLOGETICALLY ITALIAN Slouch your way through autumn in buttery toffee leather from Fendi AW22 couture www.fendi.com
5. UNAPOLOGETICALLY ACTIVIST Q:What’s black and white and read all over? A: Shon Faye’s argument for transgender justice @shon.faye
6. UNAPOLOGETICALLY AMBITIOUS Advice from Shellye Archambeau on how to create success on your own terms.
7. UNAPOLOGETICALLY BALD Jada Pinkett Smith and stunning Irish journalist Mary Cate Smith @thefashionhorn both rock shaved heads after struggling with alopecia.
8. UNAPOLOGETICALLY PLUS-SIZE Model Paloma Elsesser uses her visibility to usher in a new inclusivity in fashion @palomija
9. UNAPOLOGETICALLY BUFF Nicole Kidman rips it up with her big little arms; www.theperfectmagazine.com
10. UNAPOLOGETICALLY GREY Jamie Lee Curtis makes silver the new black; edgy, empowering and totally smokin’!
11. UNAPOLOGETICALLY SWEATY Beyoncé’s seventh studio album Renaissance will have you twerking in the kitchen, car and especially the bedroom.
12. UNAPOLOGETICALLY TALL #FreeBrittneyGriner, the 6’9″ basketball player detained in Russia.
