Think creatively before you downsize, and do more of what makes you happy …
In April of 2018, we put our house up for sale. It was a tough decision but at almost 60 and 64 years of age, it seemed like a nice idea for myself and my husband to slide into retirement with no mortgage and debts. We would clear the mortgage and downsize and we would be footloose and fancy free … Fast forward three months of constant scrubbing and polishing of the house and disappearing for an hour and a half twice a week to facilitate viewings and we were despairing of ever making our dreams come true. We began to realise that we would not be able to afford to clear a mortgage, the debts AND downsize, as the price of the houses in the area where we wanted to buy were literally going through the roof! So we took the house off the market and went back to the drawing board.
That summer, I was sitting outside on a glorious day in our sunny, south-facing garden – with birdsong filling the air, a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other – life was good! Oh, except for one small niggle – fast-approaching retirement and mortgage worries, etc. What were we going to do? My son and his partner came out to sit with me. He told me they wanted to live together and have a baby. “I’ve been thinking Mam,” he said “If we’re clever and think outside the box, I think we can re-configure the house to suit all our needs”. Thus began an adventure that is ongoing to this day.
With very little disruption, we were able to separate the house into an ‘upstairs/downstairs’ arrangement without anyone feeling cramped or short of space. We both have separate homes within the house. We share a front door and a back garden by necessity and lots of other things such as food, wine and family time because we want to. Their contribution towards the mortgage is a great help and I didn’t have to purchase a bungalow in order to live on the flat as we took the downstairs section of the house!
To top it all, my grandson was born last March in a birthing pool in his parent’s attic bedroom. Having given birth to both of my daughters at home, it was such a lovely feeling of continuity to have him born in our house. He has brought so much joy and love and a new lease of life to us all, it is hard to believe that we may never have been such a close part of such a life-affirming experience had our plans gone ahead.
I remember my mother telling me at 73 that inside she felt the same as she had in her twenties. It was only when she looked in the mirror that she was confronted with her age. I have been seeing my mother in the mirror a lot recently and have gradually accepted that I AM growing older and that it is not all that bad. A little over a year ago, as I approached 60, I looked back over my life and tried to identify the things that had always made me happy. I needed to know what changes to make that would improve the quality of my life in the coming years. We are all born with an energy as unique and individual as we are. This is our essence and it needs to be fed and nurtured in order for us to feel whole. We all innately know how to connect with it as children but the demands of the modern world remove us from this connection and for many people it can take a lifetime to retrieve it.
My earliest memory of escape to other worlds and of leaving all my cares behind is of reading. I spent hours of my childhood in Charleville Mall library travelling to imaginary lands when the real world was sometimes too much to face. I loved words and how they wove themselves magically into stories and still love them to this day. Throughout my life it is the one thing I never let slip, even when rearing small children, I always found a way to read – even if it was only a page or two here and there. Reading is my oxygen; I couldn’t imagine life without it.
I loved painting, drawing – anything crafty and creative – knitting, crochet, embroidery, sewing, arts and crafts. All of these things made me happy and gave me a purpose in my young life, when sometimes there didn’t seem to be any.
I loved movement of any kind – dancing, running, playing sports – they all gave me a great sense of freedom and completeness and funnelled my abundant energy into fun and friendships.
So clearly, in my case, there are three things that from a very early age made me happy – reading, painting/making and moving. However, after my childhood years when they were such a natural part of my life, I only turned to them at times of pressure and stress to find some temporary relief. In other words, I, like many women, only listened to my inner voice when it was screaming at me.
As I get older it has become clear to me that these are not things to be dipped in and out of, as necessary. I have learned that they are essential to my happiness, my self-esteem and my sense of belonging in this world. Recently I have taken steps to ensure that they never slip away from me again. The biggest step, after the house change, has been the decision to go from full-time to part-time work in the coming weeks. It didn’t happen overnight and has taken a lot of thought, time and two gruelling interviews to work out but it is, once again, intrinsically connected to my inner voice calling to me.
Having spent from my early thirties into my late forties (very happily) ‘growing’ my children and being a stay-at-home mother, I went back to part-time library work at the age of 47. At 49 a full time position arose and happened to coincide with my youngest going to secondary school – perfect timing. Over subsequent years I added to my 1981 Trinity Arts degree by studying to become a librarian and added a Masters for good measure. All of this while juggling three teenagers, running a home and holding down a full-time job – I am breathless looking back on it now but I must say I loved it and really felt I was getting a second chance at a career. Then came the financial crash and opportunities for promotion disappeared for years, until very recently, when one beckoned. In a few weeks’ time, I will take up a position as a part-time Assistant Librarian. This will free up my weekday mornings and I intend to fill them with – guess what? You got it in one – Yoga, painting, walking, and reading. And of course, one morning devoted to my grandson – I wouldn’t miss that precious time for anything!
Life for me is a constant source of wonder. I have learned that there are ways around or through everything that life throws at you. A positive outlook and a continuous optimism, even in the darkest of times when you have to reach deep inside for the strength you need to go on, are my protection in moving through the world. For most of us it can be found by simply doing something that feels right, we all know what it is if we just let ourselves ‘be’.
Are you ageing gracefully, beautifully, happily – or could you do with a little inspiration and encouragement? Visit #InspirationalAgeing where we are we are discovering the ingredients for a happy and fulfilled life after 40