In December you have our permission to be perfectly imperfect, says Susan Zelouf…
While there are easily over a hundred tasks to tackle on my rolling To Do list in the run-up to the holidays, I managed to spend the guts of a Sunday scrolling through The Best Places to Stay in Puglia, intent on booking the hippest hotel in the coolest destination, securing tables in the hottest restaurants (après cocktails on rooftop bars with intoxicating views) rocking understated caszh-fab outfits (ostensibly having achieved my goal weight the day before we take off), ensuring my vacay Instafeed will be the envy of “followers” not quite as committed to achieving the perfect getaway, months from now but well-earned, because planning it has left me perfectly exhausted.
The tyranny of perfection is a tedious game of whac-a-mole, from what to wear to what to do, spanning our home lives to our work lives, even influencing our love lives. “The Perfectionist Trap”, a short read from philosopher Alain de Botton’s enthralling online resource www.theschooloflife.com, discusses how to be good enough when we are bombarded with “a daily curated selection of peak moments.” Whether we’re 18 or 81, it’s devastatingly common and overwhelmingly tempting to compare our lacklustre (fill in the blank) to the dividends (windfalls or well-earned) enjoyed by others. Going out to dinner with my late mother followed a fraught pattern: agonising over what to order, followed by regret over what she’d ordered. Struck down by chronic comparison syndrome, Betty looked out from her mid-century modern penthouse apartment in the centre of Philadelphia, a lively historical city rich in arts and culture and great places to eat, bemoaning not being glossier, thinner, younger, richer, happier and more sexed-up. Alain de Botton posits: “We need a saner picture of how many difficulties lie behind everything we would wish to emulate”, acknowledging the “legitimate and necessary role of failure, and allow ourselves to do things quite imperfectly for a very long time.” Sounds perfectly reasonable, but the pressure to meticulously curate our lives intensifies exponentially around Christmastime.
“Where there is perfection, there is no story to tell.” Ben Okri
If you are reading thegloss.ie, chances are you’re looking for the perfect something, pre-Christmas. Maybe you want a pair of boots made for walking, but which boots? Or you’re on the prowl for denim, but not your daughter’s denim, as it’s been a coupla decades since you’ve been brave enough to ass-ess yourself from behind. Shapewear? Strap in because we’ve got you covered. Concealer? Revealed. A guide to sex after 60? We’re your man. Prezzies for the loves of your life? We’ll guide you. Party frock? We’ll rock you. Like a cool big sis, we see you and honour your glorious potential as you seek to become the perfect version of yourself. But what if, as Katie Roiphe argued in her 2012 best selling collection of essays In Praise of Messy Lives, you are not a fixer-upper but a marvel room, your dark matter wonderfully mysterious rather than a threatening black hole, your imperfection “a good thing, a lost and interesting way of life”? Roiphe asks, “Is there some adventure out there we are not having, some vividness, some wild pleasure, that we are not experiencing in our responsible, productive days?”
Yes, Christmas is coming, but your one wild and precious life is already here. Sister to sister, in December, you have our permission to be perfectly imperfect. Messy Christmas! @susanzelouf
1. I’M DINING off Bernardaud porcelain inspired by kintsugi, the 16th-century Japanese art of repairing broken crockery using 24K gold mixed with lacquer. www.artedona.com.
2. I’M WEARING a broken gemstone ring, made perfectly imperfect by its goldveined repair. Email info@pomellato.com for Pomellato Kintsugi enquiries.
3. I’M WAKING up to punk with Dame Viv, still relevant at 81. Stream Westwood: Punk, Icon, Activist via www.viviennewestwoodfilm.com.
4. I’M DRESSING down this Christmas in a One Hundred Stars handscreened kimono from The Gift Horse, Kilkenny and Rococo, Glasthule.
5. I’M GETTING a grip on messy curls with a black flocked hair claw from www.claires.com.
6. I’M GINNING up denim in Linda Rodin’s Gingham Cuff Jean, available at www.lindahopp.com. Follow her @lindaandwinks.
7. I’M LOOKING to artists as society tears itself apart. Artist www.anngolumbruk.com bears witness in 2020: Unraveled.
8. I’M SHREDDING perfectly good pullovers, à la Raf Simons’ Spiderweb sweater, c. 1998. What’s old is new again, again.
9. I’M HAVING a bun fight, complete with a clip around the ears. Shop handmade Christmas hair accessories at www.daisyandtanya.ie
10. I’M AMSTERDAM-ING it all with Pip Studio’s mismatched Amsterdam porcelain tableware. www.thegifthorse.ie.
11. I’M COLLECTING vessels by Corkborn, Belfast-based ceramic artist Sara Flynn. At Erskine, Hall & Coe, London. www.ehc.art.
12. I’M GETTING snogged under the mistletoe, or at least it looks like I am; smudge your lippy for that just-kissed smoulder.
13. I’M WHISPERING sweet nothings in Charlotte Tilbury’s Pillow Talk in Nude Pink, at Brown Thomas.
