The art of being companionable, like any craft, requires practice to master, says Susan Zelouf…
At the last count, there are more festivals scheduled to take place in Ireland during the merry month of May than there are calendar days to attend them, from the Connemara Mussel Festival (May 3-5) to the Burren Slow Food Festival (May19), the Ballymaloe Festival of Food (May 17-19) and the International Literature Festival Dublin (May 17-26) to the Corona Fastnet Short Film Festival (May 22-26) and Kilkenny’s The Cat Laughs Comedy Festival (from May 31).
Before you pack your Prada Re-Nylon bucket hat and head to Waterford’s Blackwater Valley Opera Festival for a week of classical music and open air recitals (can you “Handel” Giulio Cesare in the grounds of Lismore Castle?), or shop at Rains in Dublin’s Wicklow Street to gear up for the Tullamore Wetland Walk, one of the bird and bog-themed offerings during Offaly Naturalists’ Field Club Biodiversity Week (May 17-26), you may want to consider brushing up on your social skills, addled by the addictive glow and scroll of so-called social media. Are you good company? Do you play well with others? What dish do you bring to the communal dining table?
The art of being companionable, like any craft, requires practice to master. The late André Leon Talley, American fashion journalist, stylist, creative director, editor-at-large at US Vogue and a black man raised by his grandmother in the segregated South (a cleaning lady he credits for gifting him with “an understanding of luxury”) attributed his unlikely ascent (“a fairy tale”) from the brutal “chiffon trenches” of high fashion to the breadth of his knowledge: of style, of manners, of everything French. In fashion, Talley’s knowledge became currency, banked by tastemakers from the Met’s Diana Vreeland to Chanel’s Karl Lagerfeld to Vogue’s Anna Wintour. While André felt the transactional nature of his highpowered alignments keenly, he understood the deepest truth of being companionable: “I want every person I come across – the stranger on the street, the church member in the pew next to me – to feel love. I have not been privy to love in my life, but I want them to feel that they have received some love from engaging with me, André Leon Talley.” That, and never forget to acknowledge a gift: “When I have interns, I always say, ‘Handwritten thank you notes can make a difference.’ People remember that – not an email, a handwritten note in an envelope.”
“They sat in companionable silence, sipping their tea.” Jojo Moyes
Perfecting the art of listening is key to being companionable. Talley noticed this in First Lady Michelle Obama’s interactions: “When she talks to you, she focuses all her calm attention on your face.” According to New York Times columnist David Brooks, author of How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, when another person is talking, try to be so engaged you burn calories.
An older, wiser Jackie Kennedy cast a gimlet eye over the Camelot myth she’d perpetuated: “The first time you marry for love, the second for money, the third for companionship.” But does one need to couple up to be companionable? Thoreau “never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude”. Writer and children’s advocate Eda LeShan identified “the only companion we will have from birth to death – ourselves.” Make friends with yourself and you’ll never be alone. Throw in a good book, a cuppa and a loyal dog and you’ll be happy out. @susanzelouf

1. I’M STACKING Gather rings in 14k gold with an offset marquise ruby surrounded by diamonds, handcrafted by www.sinevasquez.ie.

2. I’M PLAYING in Vivienne Westwood AW24 RTW.

3. I’M SURROUNDING myself with besties, inspired by National Geographic Picture of the Year 2023 Honorable Mention Rhez Solano’s King Penguins. @rhezie.

4. I’M THANKING thoughtful gestures via handwritten notes on Kilkenny-based www.acharastationery.com.

5. I’M WATCHING The Gospel According to André, a documentary tracing the fashion legend’s rise/fall in the chiffon trenches.

6. I’M PICNICKING in lovely Laois, with nibbles and organic Irish salmon from www.burrensmokehouse.com.

7. I’M DEALING from a hand-illustrated deck featuring the pubs of Ireland. Sláinte! www.cowfielddesign.com.

8. I’M SOCIALISING my rescue pup in classes given by www.dspcadogtraining.ie. Woof!

9. I’M RESEARCHING how to be a better companion.

10. I’M TREATING a friend to classic afternoon tea in the Sugar Loaf Lounge at Powerscourt Hotel. Pinkies out!

11. I’M PLAYING sisters in dainty Mach & Mach Antoinette slingbacks. www.modaoperandi.com.

12. I’M INVITING pals to lunch outdoors à la @oilbhe.belfast