Stepping off the plane and into Dublin Airport last night, regulation-flouting Irish holidaymakers did not expect to be met with RTÉ cameras in their faces. Avoid the shame and replicate a sunny holiday at home instead this winter …
It’s bliss to lie by the pool in January. Before getting into your morning shower, warm your towel on a radiator. It’s almost as nice. Be sure to put your towel on the radiator the night before, particularly if anyone in your house is German.
One of the hardest things about travel restrictions is not being able to queue at a breakfast buffet. Creatively display the morning muesli, Corn Flakes and Coco Pops in earthenware bowls on the kitchen counter or island. Arrange fruit on a platter and stack bowls and plates. Station your husband behind the island offering eggs cooked to taste. Line the family up. Jostle one another to replicate the peak-time pressure. Give each other dagger looks.
For that “just had a week in the sun” look in a pot, it’s hard to beat Clarins’ buttery Delicious Self Tanning Cream. It’s easy to use, with a summery hint of cocoa butter. And you don’t have to be a Love Island fan to enjoy Bellamianta’s new self-tanning range, fronted by one of its cohorts – or venture to Dubai, the influencer pandemic-holiday destination of choice this winter. The Summer Infused Tanning Mousse, available in medium and dark, is designed to be hydrating as well as skin-warming, and it’s quick and easy to use. We’d recommend going medium, to just take the edge of your winter paleness – any darker just looks too suspicious.
New wfh uniform? Throw on your holiday-best, floor-sweeping kaftan. Universally flattering, they work wonders on every figure and hide a multitude of lockdown sins (use a belt to cinch the loose shape if you prefer). Add gold jewellery, a fabulous pair of slippers, and, of course, some winter-warming long johns. Cream print embroidered kaftan dress, €79.99, at H&M.
Wear said kaftan on your walk along Sandymount strand. Yes you may get a few funny looks from passersby (and you may get frostbite as you paddle your toes in the sea – that’s what the thick wool socks and shearling-lined Birkenstocks are for) but this holiday isn’t going to recreate itself. Add Le Specs shades (from €49 at Seagreen) to block out any haters.
Bring your straw tote with you on the weekly Big Shop. JW Anderson has given it his seal of approval, just make sure yours is Loewe. Scatter some dust from the kids’ sandpit to make it feel legit.
One of the joys of a mini break is indulging your love of chick lit and crime fiction – without judgement. Have you ordered The Survivors – Jane Harper’s latest? Or Catherine Talbot’s A Good Father? Both are dead good. Read as you sip on a Seedlip cocktail (it’s still dry January) and add a mini umbrella for full poolside vibes.
Don’t go to bed without your silk KDK eyemask – part of the Dreamer Sleep Collection – it gets bright so early in Lanzarote, you don’t want your beauty sleep disrupted, do you?
Dressing for a holiday was always going to be a challenge this year anyway, what with your Rae Feather monogrammed straw hat stuck in customs on account of Brexit. Pick up a shopping basket in Tesco and browse the aisles. Instead of looking for suntan oil, go straight to the duck fat – a thick layer of grease is brilliant for keeping you warm in the Forty Foot.
It’s not always possible to find a camel to ride in Ireland. Replace an excursion to Timanfaya National Park by browsing camels online. One Australian website reminds you that opting to own a camel is “a life-changing decision” (seriously?) and they are not sold individually so it’s a small herd or nothing. But just think of the Instagram opportunities.
Duty-free cosmetics are a bonus on any Lanzarote trip. Instead of filling an extra suitcase with Sisley, Creme de la Mer etc, at 50 per cent off, take your cabin-bag-on-wheels to Lidl and stock up on the biscuits and confectionery discounted after Christmas. Quality Street, Kimberleys, assorted jellies. This is a one-off opportunity and should keep you going for a few months. If you can find aloe vera, stock up. You’ll see it at every turn in Lanzarote – “oh ‘Allo Vera!” but it’s not so popular here: don’t get caught without – not actually meant to be drunk, it will linger in your fridge for months, a souvenir of your holiday.
Missing the multiple restaurants at the Princess Yaiza? Over the next week, order a different take-away every night. Indian on Monday, Italian (not quite Don Giovanni) on Tuesday, Thai on Wednesday. A fancy Michelin-style finish-it-yourself meal could be reserved for the Isla de Lobos experience on Saturday – your very last night at the resort. Ah well, it has been lovely.
And if all else fails, start planning next year’s trip. There’s sure to be special offers available on Tui at the moment for 2022 isn’t there? Once that’s done, place credit card in freezer after maxing out on camels, Clarins and Christmas confectionery.
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