There were five fates for singletons in 2020: you stuck to the guidelines so rigorously you endured the loneliest year of your life, experiencing a so-called intimacy drought; you went home to look after your parents and became the embodiment of a Jane Austen spinster; you were so unhappy alone you bubbled with an ex; you participated in black market dating and secret sex; you actively tried to find love.

Research from the popular women-first dating app Bumble reveals more than one in three people in Ireland (37 per cent) have been actively trying to meet someone in the last year with 44 per cent using dating apps – Tinder, Hinge and Bumble being the most popular. Indeed pen pal culture – matching and messaging – provided many singletons with the opportunity to upskill. Take Marjorie, a recent divorcée, “This was definitely a learning period for me: I used this time to familiarise myself with various apps, working on my profile (and photo) and getting used to the endless texting volleys. I drew the line at sexting [sending explicit texts and photos].”

After her 20-year marriage ended, Marjorie is no longer searching for The One, yet admits she established several emotional connections. “I discovered I had a more flirty alter ego while texting, which gave me confidence after a fraught divorce.” On the downside, she says, “I quickly realised that men wanted to see me and were much more comfortable about impromptu Zoom dates. I found that there are approximately 25 products required to achieve a no make-up look. Getting the lighting and wardrobe right for these online encounters was too much like hard work!” Between lockdowns, Marjorie converted her cyber dates into socially distanced cocktails. Ultimately she was disappointed. “I knew within five minutes of meeting Tony, whom I had texted for three months, there was no physical connection.” Looking ahead she says: “The pandemic has taught me that life is too short to be scared of dating. I will minimise the online flirting in favour of actual first dates.” She can’t wait for some summer loving.

With hindsight, 2020 may well be known as the “Year of The Ex” reflected in celebrity circles and new film releases. “Bennifer” is back on – the relationship between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck – while Sex and the City fans are agog that Aidan (played by John Corbett) has been confirmed for the new film Things We Need To See, but not Big (yet). Could Carrie finally reunite with her caring carpenter?

You may not have bubbled with an ex, but you quite possibly heard from one: a survey showed one in three people received a text from their ex during lockdown. Irish psychotherapist Anita Coghlan believes the reasons were four-fold, including “an existential need to attach and connect in order to cope with the isolation and fear many experienced during this crisis; genuine concern for a person who has occupied an important place in one’s life; the excitement and novelty factor, and finally, a desire to escape from the stresses a current relationship experienced under lockdown.”

A trio of exes contacted me during lockdown; I admit to texting one too. Coghlan describes this as classic co-dependency behaviour. “We all want to be rescued. You and your ex most likely had a co-dependent dynamic going on, either in a healthy, caring way or negative, traumatising way. Subliminally, we reach out to be soothed.”

One friend, Hazel, rekindled contact with her ex before the second lockdown. She moved in with him but after three months, moved out, the niggles of incompatibility festering in the claustrophobic environment. Hazel is now an active “revenge dater”, making up for wasted time. I have lived vicariously through the highs and literal lows of her recent experiences. She phoned one day to ask if I would date someone significantly shorter than me. She’d finally met up with a Zoom beau only to discover his shortcoming. As I stand 6ft in heels, I have, regularly. Hazel sums up the last few months: “If I never have to go on a walk with a flat gin and tonic in a can again it will be too soon.”

The pandemic has not prevented bad behaviour. I’ve listened to stories of “breadcrumbing”, “benching” and “orbiting” (see this post). One friend received a Monday morning email at 9.30am (following a Saturday lunchtime date) saying there was no point in meeting again because her date hadn’t felt “a spark”. She was incensed: “How can you feel a spark on a sub-zero walk, nursing a cold coffee?” She remains sanguine and is looking forward to spontaneity returning to romance, the feeling that anything could happen. “The pandemic allowed me to edit the time-wasters, those I didn’t want in my bubble.” As for that elusive spark, she’s more concerned about rediscovering her own spark, something that has been diminished by anxiety.

The 60-something singletons have fared better during lockdown. In the UK, the relationship charity Relate felt the need to team up with renowned fashion photographer Rankin to shine the spotlight on the unseen – sex and intimacy in the later years. The campaign, “Let’s talk the joy of later life sex,” features photographs (by Rankin) of five couples. Their lack of inhibitions, it is implied, is a side-effect of confidence and experience and the sloughing off of expectations of physical perfection.

As for my own experience, I moved back home to look after my shielding parents, morphing into the spinster of the parish. Looking for love was not my top priority, though I did harbour a secret crush on “Porsche Man” (a tall, dog-loving new neighbour and owner of a vintage Carrera) until his girlfriend showed up.

I’ve deconstructed texts from exes with more commitment than the sonnets I studied at university and I’ve engaged (hypothetically of course) in conversations with various friends querying if we would ever audition for Married At First Sight (the Australian version was a lockdown must-watch), or if we would be able to spot a scammer on our Instagram feed. Hair-raising stories of women conned out of life savings by fake social media lovers proliferated last year.

Though not at all like the matchmaking Mrs Bennet of Pride and Prejudice, recently my mother suggested I “go to church to meet someone”. Eye roll aside, my mind raced ahead to living in an old vicarage – on my vision board – but possibly not with a Reverend. Who knows if sparks will fly over a hymn book? Like many singles, I’m just looking ahead to the summer and going with the flow.

Hinge reports that the top 2021 dating resolution for more than half (53 per cent) of its users is to not overthink their dating life and be in the moment as they find a relationship. Naomi Walkland, Bumble’s Head of UK & Ireland, says this period has ultimately been positive. “Despite the restrictions, dating may actually be changing for the better. Singles in Ireland are investing more time getting to know each other, being less judgmental about looks and feeling more confident about what they want.” One in three (34 per cent) say they have felt considerably less pressure and are more comfortable being their “true self” in this new way of dating. Meanwhile 29 per cent of those surveyed said they feel more open and confident about expressing their feelings because of the pandemic.” That can only be good.