9 months ago

Social Insecurities: Ageing

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SARAH BREEN on the daily anxieties of modern life …

Jacky Sheridan

1

Scrolling down the Sidebar of Shame and becoming increasingly incensed that Jennifer Lopez, who turns 50 this year, has zero wrinkles and those abs.

2

Wondering what your own abs might look like if you had a personal chef, trainer and nutritionist on standby. Actually, do you even have abs?

3

Plucking up the courage to examine your face in the frankly horrific magnifying side of the mirror and seeing so many previously unnoticed lines you have to sit down and immediately make a G&T.

4

Creating a petition to make magnifying mirrors illegal.

5

Leaning in to a grim January diet of water, protein and things laced with turmeric in the hope it will erase six years and all the recent Quality Streets.

6

Lasting three days on said diet before blacking out briefly and coming to in front of the toaster with a knife in one hand and an empty Brennan’s wrapper in the other.

7

Hoping that you’ve simply murdered someone and not eaten the entire loaf.

8

Deciding that life is, in fact, too short to choose your face over your derrière. Committing to a more manageable plan to go back to your regular diet and a size up in knickers.

9

Feeling relieved, excited and positive about the future.

10

Briefly considering forgoing your six-week hair appointment but deciding that, as much as you’re ready to embrace the ageing process, you’re just not cool enough to pull off grey.

@SarahBreen

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