A View From The Jeep: Saturday, November 24

Connie is back and this week she test drives a Tesla. HONORA QUINN reports …

Connie was very nearly found out last week and that would have been very damaging, though she happily acknowledges that one of her more remarkable skills, (rather like Teresa May, her new girl crush), lies in her ability to slither unscathed out of most undesirable situations.

She had been test driving the Tesla Jeep and found it nigh on impossible to return to the garage. Rarely has she had such fun, for the looks she was attracting were pure unadulterated stomach flipping Envy! The ‘stressies’ – as she refers to the lycra clad Matrons who drive their Rangies whilst habitually sporting expressions of acute pain and severe disdain on their maximally taut faces (so Celtic Tiger era) – almost unclenched their rigid jaws with shock when they spotted Connie behind the wheel of the Tesla.

She was beside herself with joy and got a little bit carried away and kept the car a teenie bit longer than the two hour trial period, she just had to drive it to Pilates and then onto lunch and she couldn’t help herself parking outside the Ivy, and then there was the palaver about the tow away – so much traffic stopping attention, pure Connie heaven!

The car had nestled quite perfectly into her white Ligurian marble chip drive and she was gleefully aware of curtain twitches from her tedious neighbours, all was going swimmingly until the squad car arrived.

This indeed was trouble, not so much for the car test drive issue, which was all easily explainable really, as she made up some heart wrenching story about Fionn sustaining an SCT omitting injury, though somehow this didn’t wash with the Garda, odd really as après that match, Rugger is allegedly lauded outside the Pale, and he insisted on coming in.

At least she managed to contain him in her faux Bulthaup kitchen where Dora’s aromatic cooking distracted him, as heavens forbid he would find her lucrative ‘replica’ lines artfully displayed in just about every other room.

The Tesla went back but Connie now knows she has a stimulus that will drive her to achieve unmitigated financial success inside or outside the current Law. One can keep one’s Khans and Velars and even vintage Rangies too, ‘cos it’s Tesla all the way for Connie now. Fabulous!


Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep

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