A View From The Jeep: Saturday, March 2

This week CONNIE is getting into the swing of cycling season with her posse of well-toned gal pals …

Spring always give Connie an energetic surge of life; a time for new beginnings and re-inventions and lovely shiny new opportunities to be greedily grasped. Now that the ski season is firmly behind her and the Irish rugby team has proven to be less than thrilling, Connie has packed her Bogner gear into the attic and stopped simpering to the mother of the SCT captain in search of those once elusive Six Nations tickets. The cycling season beckons and swapping her sables for the saddle will have her photo fit when the mercury rises. Road cycling, once solely the purvey of men with spittle-flecked beards is now the perfect stage for the body conscious woman of SoCoDu.

It has taken Connie many years to establish her very own posse of lady cyclists, and after much labourious training, they are finally resembling something that at the least looks convincing. Her stringent rules saw many enthusiastic novices fall by the roadside, it was beyond difficult to convince them that they actually had to pedal the bikes themselves, they persisted in putting their wildly expensive bikes inside their Rangies and driving up to the Sallygap just for the Insta capture.

Sadly many also failed to make the grade in the critically important image department. Connie still shudders to remember a most unfortunate wannabe who rocked up on a very expensive bike, seemingly a perfect recruit, until the miscreant removed her helmet and revealed not only a sad lack of a recent blowdry, but she also sported an aggressive lack of make-up, and her nail polish was chipped. She didn’t last.

Admittedly, looking absolutely stunning in Lycra cycling gear is quite the challenge, however, unsurprisingly, Connie has a few tricks up her sleeve for her gals. She has sourced very well sculpted and supportive gear from Italy, she commissioned a ‘shape wear’ manufacturer to produce the kit, and with the gruesome shorts and skin tight shirts providing transformational suction, her little band look better than most … Particularly as there is not a dreadful logo in site and every article is tastefully coordinated. Woe betide the gal who turns up for her Saturday morning ride without the correct colour matched socks or indeed gloves which have been specifically designed with very short fingers in order to allow one’s diamonds peek through.

All elements considered, there is no better socially acceptable body-con opportunity to show off one’s figure while remaining clothed. Arriving to the rich hunting grounds of Enniskerry after a hard cycle looking glamorous takes serious determination, but Connie knows that it is more than worth the effort …

Pure Connie machinations.

@HonoraQuinn

Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep …

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