A View From The Jeep: Saturday, February 2

This week, Connie is beginning to think that this whole BREXIT hard border business might afford her quite the opportunity …

Connie is getting nervous from all this Exit/Brexit, Back/Stop business. Eerie memories of her grandmother telling stories of stashing tea during the ‘Emergency’ are haunting her in a vexatious manner causing her merciless stress about disruption to her regular deliveries of her favourite Violet Pouchong tea from Fortnum and Mason. She is hearing panic inducing vicious rumours of impending Range Rover shortages which is almost as calamitous as any obstruction from instant access to Alexander McQueen and Burberry, not to mind Victoria Beckham and Stella. The sky would fall in if there were any glitches in their timely drop to BTs. It would simply not be cricket if she is forced to pitch up at a charity event in anything older than pre-season, heavens forbid, anyone could think One had raided well located charity shops benefiting from the Marie Kondo craze.

And what about her careful curation of the Ruinator’s wardrobe? Will the hard border/ land bridge customy nonsense impact on her sneaky online order of his entire wardrobe from M&S? She has Dora swap the tags for designer labels, sourced from her native Philippines, and he is none the wiser, indeed she has reasonably genial boom time memories of him dancing around in his ‘Hermès’ boxers one Christmas morning when they were merely Primark … However, as in most situations, he is not worthy of consideration in this looming disaster.

Some of her more somewhat sophisticated galpals are excitedly chattering about stock piling, indeed they’re becoming quite competitive, filling their wine cellars with all sorts of essentials like Hendricks and Fever Tree Elderflower Tonic – Light. There is something weirdly addictive about it all and Connie, ever working an angle, is starting to think that this hard border necessity might afford her quite the opportunity. She commences to draw up a list of shortage sensitive products and proceeds to investigate bulk buying indispensable items she could sell on to her snakevine at cruelly inflated prices. She can sell European goodies to her languishing Brit pals and also conversely circuitously bring in some treasure from the auld enemy for her frenemies.

She will tap into her midland but not extremely far from the border background for collaborators who might advise her with discreet transport channels. She will also need some advice on currency swings, perhaps she will have to contact that rather divine hedgefunder she recently met at a shooting party. Pure Connie mischief.


Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep …

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