A View From The Jeep: Saturday, February 16

This week CONNIE is feverishly studying long range weather forecasts as she plots her pitchside ensembles …

Fionn has the mumps, despite inoculations. It has been flying through the school and is rampant throughout the SoCoDu reservation, thank heavens it seems to be a strictly Southside illness and not some common agricultural or DNS disease, so Connie will have no shame in disclosing his malady. Far more irritating was the postponement of the SCT clash against Michael’s, though in truth better to be postponed than beaten by a league team. Having said that, Connie’s status anxiety empathy feels for the boys of Terenure who fell to Gonzaga; after all, one of the only compensations of going to school practically in Tallaght is life-long possession of a Senior Cup Medal.

Connie was match ready for last Sunday’s game and had invested much time and money in achieving absolutely on point styling. Now with the fixture rescheduled till the end of Feb, she is feverishly studying long range weather forecasts. She is fretting that it might be too mild for her restyled sheared mink or too damp for her hair. It is imperative that one looks effortlessly chic, a mixture of neither being muttony nor frumpy, a casual whiff of extreme expense watered down with a seemingly just thrown together nonchalance.  Most definitely not gone to hell in hill walking boots and a sensible rain coat. UGH.

Following the Cup matches is an absolute must for Connie as the high-net-worth networking opportunities are legendary; pretty much all the senior partners in the Big Four attend and Connie shamelessly works it hard smoothing Fionn’s path, and her familial ambitions, further down the line. Not entirely effortless when he isn’t even on the subs bench.

Connie was livid when Fionn was overlooked for a place in the squad, and she stormed the school in fury, but despite her best efforts and foot stamping, the headmaster and the Rugger coach made it abundantly clear that 24/7 training at TNT gym in Blackrock is no substitute for turning up at team practice. Clearly, they underestimated the importance of looking Insta perfect on the pitch. For where else do the gimlet-eyed matchmaking matrons of SoCoDu evaluate the stock for the reservation gene pool? Though she fears the tiresome Mumps might prove a bigger handicap in this department than one’s buff absence on the pitch. Perhaps she should swerve on disclosing the prognosis though she is certain that all the facial swelling disfigurement might earn Fionn some Dare points for psychological distress.

Pure Connie Dilemma.


Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep …

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