A View From The Jeep: Saturday, December 15

Connie’s CHRISTMAS LIGHTING UP SCHEME suffers a crisis …

Connie’s world has been thrown into utter turmoil. Her perfectly planned Christmas tree ‘lighting up’ ceremony is to take place today, the 15th, not too commonly early nor carelessly late, and of course it will proceed flawlessly, however, she is suffering horrific angst that it might be slightly second rate. Pure Connie Hell.

For whilst dropping Mollie to a party on Shrewsbury Road, (Bless, Trinners for the first class socialising opportunities!), she decided to do a reconnoiter of the surrounding D4 avenues, and alarmingly she has detected a trend she has hitherto been certain is the preserve of DNS and perhaps the midlands. Namely a gargantuan proliferation of Christmas lights absolutely all over the place and particularly on Ailesbury Road.

Without exception, all the gardens ancient trees are festooned in thousands of lights, every railing on the front door steps is draped with them and the large buxus are positively dazzling, even the porch architraves are dripping lights. Connie found it all rather blinding. But her biggest shock is the number of houses displaying trees a-blaze in every single window.

Connie is devastatingly upset that her instructions to her neighbours in Avondale Rise about being rigidly tasteful with their decorations is completely out of step with her gal pals in Ballsbridge. And now the residents are being outrageously stubborn about ameliorating the situation, with some flat out refusing to put more than one tree in their windows. While very disappointing, this is not as bad as those recently arrived from the countryside displaying revolting multi-coloured lights. There are even sinister murmurs of keeping their houses dark to display solidarity with the local GAA club suffering an unexpected defeat. Honestly if they are going to support bogball why couldn’t they just stay in the boonies?

Nonetheless the lighting ceremony will proceed as planned, allegedly for the delight of the children, not that she gives one single whit about the snotty nosed self-entitled mini mes that litter Avondale Rise and its environs, it’s just that along with her choir they’ll make it all seem so sweet on TV, for Connie has inveigled Nationwide to cover the event conning the programme-makers into thinking it’s a community effort about integration.   Now to critical matters, what will she wear…


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