A View From The Jeep

This week Connie is planning a ‘Designer Fair’, flogging a mix of faux fine goods. HONORA QUINN reports …

Connie is preparing for her very first Christmas ‘Designer Fair’, a strictly private wholesaler event where she will bring together other purveyors of faux fine goods from developing markets God knows where. Naturally the profferings must be fresh and edgy, none of your same ol’ same ol’. Particularly as a goodly part of the event is to provide herself with a ginormous stash of samples.

Whilst hosting the event is a bit of a palaver, apart from a pile of freebies and some fabulous connections she will critically have super stock to sell-on at eye watering margins to her own snakevine and just in time for their 2018 Christmas BollyDay shopping frenzy. Heavenly.

She is struggling with the wording on her ‘stiffie’ as she fears she might attract #MeToo schtick for using the nomenclature ‘Gals’, yet she finds ‘women’ so agricultural, and ‘ladies’ revoltingly infra dig. Perhaps she will portray her hipness with ‘womxn’ though every time she sees this word she can only think of minxes. Perhaps the correctniks possess a sense of humour, hardly a very obvious attribute. She settles on ‘friends’, delighting in the opportunity to display her handle on oxymorons!

Understanding her private clients’ desire for genuine and unusual pieces, she will invite along some artisan types who, amazingly, actually create their own stuff and Connie has to admit the original homemadey bits and bobs do have a magnetic appeal midst all the logoed frimfram. Bizarrely she is even getting to like these womxns and feels vaguely happy or calm in their company. Weird. Definitely time to get this Féte firmly on the road.

Her Filipina, Dora, will prep the reception rooms in the oft practiced ‘non-threatening style’ and Connie will serve some interesting Mescal cocktails and comforting triple fried King Edward chips. Both are perfect foils for luring the unsuspecting into trusting her and she simply cannot wait to meet her ‘associates,’ to appraise, flog, barter and haggle over their wares.

She will insist that all introductions are by Instagram usernames, strictly, it’s all the rage now, and preserves a modicum of privacy. Who would ever suspect BangleBarbara or ShawlieSiobhan of having to stoop to this kind of malarkey to keep the precious car payments up to date. Information that Connie will keep to herself for now.

@HonoraQuinn

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