A New View From The Jeep

This week CONNIE is second guessing her withdrawal from the usual groomed confines of a typical SoCoDu summer as she books in for a completely unglamorous yoga retreat in Leitrim …


Connie’s recent bombshell to her book club coven of her voluntary absence from Quinta this summer did not go down well. In fact, she is certain a separate WhatsApp group has been set up just to deal with the collective parochial trauma and the smug hysterical outfall. Despite this non-too subtle deployment of the fashionable cold shoulders she is feeling incredibly relieved not to have to swim in that particular shark pool anytime soon. Indeed, as her Rosslare house was offered as a token sacrifice to the bank whilst exiting the bad years, she is contemplating a summer without any SoCoDu scene whatsoever. She might actually get to experience a real holiday and do some relaxing stuff whatever indeed that involves.

Frankly she is feeling enough heat as Fionn’s Leaving Cert Director of Operations, there are so many onerous responsibilities being a proper “We’re doing the Leaving Cert Mother”, and she is spinning with the intensity of managing her growing troop of LC consultants and assistants. She truly cannot wait for it all to be over and is finding the whole exam process utterly absurd. A three hour exam to showcase 14 years of prep is a ridiculously crude measurement of one’s ability and totally cruel to boot. She would crusade against its risible suitability had she further LCs to do but as it is she will soothe her torment with a yoga and meditation retreat to begin the same day Fionn departs for Maga.

To avoid her familiar PilatesYoga LuLuLemon set she has had to book an extremely unglamorous and most probably damp retreat in Leitrim. Apart from the challenging accommodation and far too natural mung bean vegan food, she will also no doubt have to mingle with all sorts of tie dye harem pant, head band and no doubt bead wearing overly earnest wholesome types. She just hopes they are all not too hairy – this sentiment applies to all male participants too. She is already becoming nauseous at the proliferation of gorilla like legs sprouting out of pastel Ralph Lauren shorts at every conceivable opportunity on the Gold Coast.

While it might be acceptable for men to wear shorts whilst participating in sport it is utterly revolting to wear them in any social setting, nobody wants to choke on green tea or rosé at the sight of hairy knees. At least in Quinta the men are such earnest cyclists that they close shave their legs to avoid any wind resistance. Which reminds Connie that the bean rich diet promised by the retreat will create wind problems of an entirely different nature.

Connie is beginning to wonder if her withdrawal from the usual groomed confines of a typical SoCoDu summer might be quite the mountain to climb …


Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep …

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