A New View From The Jeep

This week CONNIE is a seemingly relaxed and devoted wife and mother, or so she says …

Connie adores Easter, not only for the annual resurrection of her top-of-the-range Weber barbecue but also, it’s her harbinger of summer, her favourite season to outshine all the other gals.  But really what she particularly likes about Easter is the lack of fuss compared with Christmas. When you think about it One puts up a similar feast but it doesn’t take six weeks of military planning. As Dora is insisting on taking the day off, much mutterings of pray stuff and Mass, Connie is intending to allow the Ruinator barbecue a butterflied leg of lamb and she will purchase all the sides and dessert in Avoca. Prep and plan will be roughly 30 minutes and the Ruinator, like most men, will take total charge of the BBQ and there will be reasonable harmony, edible food and no bloody fuss. Connie is considering petitioning the Pope to scrap Christmas and have two Easters instead.

The only fly in her ointment is her garden, which is a tad stunted in this recent cold dry spell and therefore not quite as showy as she would like it to be for this time of year. Thank God she is beyond communions and all that palaver, even though poignant memories of having half the local Filipino community use hot hair dryers on her reluctant bedding plants at Molly’s communion party still leave her rattled and vaguely proud.  However, she doubts very much if her luncheons guests, the dreaded in-laws, will even notice that her garden is not in splendid bloom. Frankly they tend to stare at her with their mouths hanging open in a very simple manner, she imagines she blinds them with her polish, glamour and wit. Though she is nearly certain she has heard them mumbling in their peculiar guttural way about somebody acting above their station. Quelle horreur!

This year she will portray herself to them as a simple family creature just like themselves, amply demonstrated by the way she has morphed into a perfect “I’m doing the Leaving Cert” mother. She is certain that they, like many others, will admire this selfless commitment to her peerless progeny.

She is putting serious time and effort into this new role and has already dispatched Fionn to intensive revision school, with week one of the Easter break in the Dublin Institute of Grinds and week two in the Institute just in case one lot have better exam tips than the other. Darling Molly is sitting her first year Trinners exams so has moved into the Intercontinental for routine and peace plus the occasional splash in the spa. All in all, Connie is rather proud of this selfless dedication to them both and she hopes her input is helping them to actually study, most particularly as it seems the Department of Education are starting to take a suspicious view of a certain doctor’s DARE certs and the cost of unprescribed Ritalin has trebled at SoCoDu coffee mornings.

Her seasonal benevolence even extends to the Ruinator, she is managing to look at him with less disdain than usual as his latest forays in property development are looking more realistic and potentially profitable, which is a 100% improvement on his last litany of disasters. Low interest rates, high density and an influx of Brexigees fleeing their expensive London homes must surely equate to some profit, even for him.

So, this Easter Sunday, strangely enough her in-laws will see Connie as a seemingly relaxed and devoted wife and mother.

Pure Connie Renaissance.


Read previous instalments of A View From The Jeep …  

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