Email arrives, reminding you how you said you’d be delighted to accommodate Old Friend & Husband when they next “passing through”. That was last Christmas, not a dicky bird since!
Survey the “pretend” guest room and order college-age children to take a black sack and tackle the cupboards full of old games, books and dress-up clothes.
Hoover up the sweet wrappers from behind the bed and make a note to wedge something under the fourth, castor-less corner. Raise the blinds to discover a drift of dust and the spare keys to the car.
Start on the family bathroom, replacing the greasy soap with a L’Occitane pump, hiding the talking weighing scales and the Viviscal shampoo for thinning hair and attacking the Cocoa Brown ring on the tub.
Laundry edit reveals no matching sheets, and pillowcases more Downtrodden Housewife than Oxford Don. Hope guests don’t insist on stripping the bed as they leave, revealing forlorn mattress cover.
Launch a search for the gift your visitor sent you for your wedding/anniversary/birthday and hanging/propping/placing it on the bedside table.
Remove Why Soccer Matters and replace with a few Virago classics and
a glossy book on gardens. Are reading glasses a bridge too far?
Channel bedrooms at Soho House, curating a tray with tin of cookies and decanter of sherry – to encourage lingering in room. Decide against putting out the freebie slippers.
The wild flowers you arranged are giving off a bit of a pong. Light a French Linen Water candle to transport all to Provence. Blow out candle in case they have allergies.
Replace 100-watt watt bulb with 24-watt Soft White.
They won’t be able to read but it looks so much better.
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