What Kind Of Party Animal Are You?

Watch out! CHRISTMAS DOS are crawling with ODD CREATURES, from predators to pussycats … What kind of PARTY ANIMAL are you?



Appearance: Tall, sleek, long-legged, with finely turned ankles and a haughty demeanour

Social status: Threatened Wears Twin-toed – sorry, toned –boots

Diet: Roots and shoots; paleo bars; the occasional chocolate protein ball

Runs: with: Other antelopes she met at Trinity

WLTM: After years of pursuit by fast men, she’s exhausted. If he’s not rich and nice, she’s not interested.



Appearance: Slim, handsome, with a powerful jaw; cold eyes behind “interesting” spectacles, Tom Ford or similar

Characteristic: Makes a nuisance of himself, cadging drinks, cigarettes, even women, snapping angrily when challenged

Attracted by: Splashing or other vigorous activity. If you are an enthusiastic dancer, keep eyes peeled

WLTM: A wealthy widow with an indoor pool.



Appearance: Goofy, with soft short hair and cuddly flanks

Social skill: Eagerness to please – and hand out canapés/pour bubbles

Drinks: Craft beers with silly names

Wears: An ironic T-shirt, vintage-style trainers, scented hair oil

Likes: Exploring, sniffing about groovy cities

Attractive to: A huge range of women, who just wish they could take him home

WLTM: Someone like his mum, but younger, obviously, with her own passport and vaccinations up-to-date.



Appearance: Pleasant, nicely groomed, pretty in an unshowy way

Social status: Diplomacy and utter lack of ego

Survival tactic: Arrives early to get a comfortable spot on the sofa

Drinks: Cream liqueur, though she knows she should like something more au courant

Eats: Mackerel, she’s thrilled it’s in vogue again

Wears: Classic grey (she loves pattern) with a pearl collar

Accessorises with: a novel and sweet kitten heels

WLTM: She’s not bothered, the last lady she met was a real wildcat. She needs time to lick her wounds.



Appearance: Limber, leathery, thanks to a love of sunbathing

Characteristic: Furtive nature

Social skill: Sizing up the competition

Survival tactic: Retreats to the shade when the heat is on

Drinks: Sips Tanqueray 10 juniper gin – with a twist – to keep other snakes away

Wears: A slim-cut suit and dubious evening loafers

Party trick: Writhing on the dancefloor

WLTM: Mousy types, he swallows them whole.



Appearance: Lithe, glossy, with huge eyes and sharp white teeth

Sounds: High-pitched, excitable

Social skill: Proficient climber

Survival tactic: Excellent eyesight: she can tell a nutjob a mile off

Mode of escape: The zigzag dodge

Drinks: Midleton Bluebell Forest Irish whiskey

Wears: A cute dress with a snuggly fur

Hunts with: Other squirrels from similar postcodes

WLTM: A fleet outhalf or energetic financier with a nice penthouse and a view over the treetops.



Appearance: Different every day, depending on the influencer she’s under

Social skill: Total indescretion; great for gossip

Survival tactic: Versatility, self-deprecation, flakiness and sense of fun

Hunts with: She can’t remember, she has a friend here somewhere

WLTM: She’s not sure, she’s still  having a ball, she doesn’t need to decide now, does she?



Appearance: Broad-shouldered, with luxuriant French philosopher-style mane

Characteristic: Manly, moody, unpredictable

Social skill: Authority, assuredness

Survival tactic: Doesn’t need one; he rarely meets his match

Wears: Something understated: no need to flaunt his impeccable muscles, we know they’re there

Hunts: Alone

WLTM: A gazelle: he’ll lend her his shearling coat and take her back to his den.

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