Social Insecurities: The Swimsuit

SARAH BREEN on the DAILY ANXIETIES of MODERN LIFE

1

Booking the obligatory fortnight away and imagining that by the time June rolls around you’ll have mastered barre/HIIT training/whatever Kayla Itsines does to get those abs. Bikini bod here you come!

2

Waking up yesterday and realising it’s somehow now summer? Wondering where the last three months went and if Kayla might be open to an emergency Instagram consultation.

3

Beginning the insurmountable task of swimsuit shopping. Noticing with glee that the one-piece has had a resurgence in popularity. Finally!

4

Taking an armful of suits into a tiny, airless fitting room and asking yourself why you ruled out that penguin-spotting cruise around Antarctica so quickly.

5

Realising, on inspection, that the one-pieces currently saturating the high street are merely bikinis in disguise. The cutout to fabric ratio just doesn’t add up.

6

Wondering when Spanx are going to diversify into swimwear. This is a missed opportunity.

7

Finally locating a non-plunging little number that isn’t cut above your hips (no mean feat) but being so offended by the twee print that you are physically unable to part with your cash.

8

Having an aha moment – this is why the internet was invented. Being able to try on a selection of suits in the forgiving half-light of your bedroom with the curtains closed.

9

Feeling thankful for ruching. Ruching is great. Ruching is your best friend.

10

Arriving at the pool on Day 1, whipping off your sarong, and realising that nobody is looking at you anyway.

Sarah Breen

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